Extra sharp. Good rubber.

Harvest yellow Imperial. Like new. Loaded. One owner. See to appreciate. Extra sharp. Good rubber. A real nice car. Needs some work. Call Cherokee Bail Bonds and ask for Jack. Work odd hours. Keep calling.
A Bad Idea I'm About to Do: True Tales of Seriously Poor Judgment and Stunningly Awkward Adventure - Chris Gethard

I love Chris Gethard but this is written like one of his wordy blog posts. The stories are funny but would work better as standup (and some of them are on his new album).